in which the song "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" is incrementally ruined.

in which Santa saves alllll the drama for himself.

in which we get flushed down a Christmas toilet into Santa's sagging sack.

in which we tap into the North Pole surveillance program, and learn one character's name.

in which the vibe of the North Pole is compared (unfavorably) to Bioshock, then Boston.

in which Molly genuinely screamed twice but Ken edited it out (you're welcome)

in which Molly's blood finally boils like so much hot chocolate.

in which we learn the Polar Express has a "clown car."

in which we strap ourselves to the front of the engine and pray for death… at Christmas!?

in which we examine the strained labor relations onboard the Polar Express.

in which two children narrowly escape death & regain control of a runaway train… at Christmas!

in which we take a break from engaging with the movie to write John Hodgman fanfiction.

in which a child is hauled off for nonspecific Christmas crimes.

in which Tom "Conductor" Hanks raps about hot chocolate, if you can call that 'rapping.'

in which we learn about the unspoken class system onboard the Polar Express.

in which Li'l Toto (& Ken Plume) must embrace their destinies.

in which a young Santa Claus truther is startled from his bed.

in which Tom Hanks plays two characters already.