in which Molly & Ken unwrap the gifts of friendship and high-budget flops.

in which Molly finds a Christmas song she somehow dislikes more than "Sleigh Ride."

in which we embark on a scenic three-day ride through End Credits Junction.

in which we review every accent we know, some of which Tom Hanks used in the film.

in which we cram in one last beat of despondency before the end of the journey. Ho ho ho?

in which we feast on a variety of elf facial hair, and Steven Tyler is also there.

in which several children are personally rejected by Santa himself & sent home emptyhanded.

in which the song "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" is incrementally ruined.

in which Santa saves alllll the drama for himself.

in which we get flushed down a Christmas toilet into Santa's sagging sack.

in which we tap into the North Pole surveillance program, and learn one character's name.

in which the vibe of the North Pole is compared (unfavorably) to Bioshock, then Boston.

in which Molly genuinely screamed twice but Ken edited it out (you're welcome)

in which Molly's blood finally boils like so much hot chocolate.

in which we learn the Polar Express has a "clown car."

in which we strap ourselves to the front of the engine and pray for death… at Christmas!?

in which we examine the strained labor relations onboard the Polar Express.

in which two children narrowly escape death & regain control of a runaway train… at Christmas!

in which we take a break from engaging with the movie to write John Hodgman fanfiction.

in which a child is hauled off for nonspecific Christmas crimes.